Even though I'm happy with the story, and I enjoy it more than anything else I've written, I'm still worried about the word count. I'm sitting at around 145,000 words now. That's with certain scenes that I skipped to write later that are missing from the final count. So I may have to cut things out here and there. I don't know yet. I'm trying not to think about it until I finish the final chapter, and then I'll go back and see what else I need to do.
Nothing else matters.
In this solace of solitude, I feel far-removed from everything else.
Losing track of people like losing track of time. The clock is the crowd; the hands are broken because I don't have any of their hands in mine. I only have this single, simple motivation shaped as enough through me. Once I'm done, it's on to the next project, and the next, with this unwavering focus bearing down on me, testing me, constantly, as a marathon of the mind.
Pacing myself, I feel fine. I'm in my element. I don't know how someone else would fare. I went through this in the past and it almost broke me. Now it feels as natural and automatic as blinking and breathing.
In between writing, I have the oddest craving to play Bloodborne. I'm finding the time to do that along with getting through Hitman 2 every now and then. Hitman 2 is tons of fun with intelligent stealth and open-ended, funny strategies and situations, but I can't get used to how clunky the controls feel. I have my eye on Hitman Blood Money and Hitman Absolution coming to PS4 soon. Tomorrow, I think. Plus the remaster/remake of Onimusha, one of the classic games from my childhood during the PlayStation 2 era. Kingdom Hearts III is finally coming out at the end of the month, too, yet I'm not excited about it at all. I'm here for the soundtrack by Yoko Shimomura, my favorite and my legend in gaming music. Also looking forward to Sekiro: Shadows Die Twice in March. Nothing else is on my radar this year unless The Last of Us Part II and Ghost of Tsushima release in 2019 as well.
With Final Fantasy XI, I feel burned out, even though I should feel accomplished now that I have my relic and empyrean instruments for bard. I think what bothers me is that I feel obligated to go after the mythic dagger and aeonic instrument as well even though I don't want to. Mostly to have that title of "REMA" bard (Relic, Empyrean, Mythic, Aeonic). Being able to have four songs up to support the party isn't enough -- I feel like I have to have the 50% song duration from the mythic dagger and Honor March from the aeonic harp, too, otherwise I feel incomplete. I'm trying to pace myself and think of these things as long-term items. I need to temper my perfectionist tendencies here.
In the meantime, I have two more chapters to finish this month. I'll definitely meet my goal to have the book published on May 1.
Since I finished chapter 15 today, I'll take a bit of a break to play Bloodborne tonight as a reward. FFXI had an update today with a new monthly Ambuscade raid. I'll wait until people sort out the strategies before I bother with it. I don't have the time/patience for trial-and-error adventures this month. Maybe next time.
Anathema's chapter names so far:
1. Solaire's Nocturne
2. Stella's Rising
3. Humanity and Idealism
4. Astroan Mirages in Summer
5. A Higher Loyalty
6. Are You Afraid of the Dark?
7. The Bismarck
8. Catastrophe's End
9. Sole Survivor
12. Wayward Daughter
13. Vengeful Despair
14. Her Honor
15. Sight Unseeing
16. Spider Lily - current work-in-progress
17. Black Sun
"In darkness blooms the spider lily."