I write for the ones without a voice.

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Steady progress on book four.
By steady, I mean several days spent agonizing over my own motivations for writing this over other titles, and then having binge sessions of getting through thousands of words before putting the manuscript down again. Working on this story is a compromise for me. I hinted at this before. I'd much rather write Vespair's whole backstory detailing everything she was up to starting from some years before The Scorpion's Empress, through Venus and Lysander and some time after Black Waltz.

My obsession will never be elsewhere, but I can pretend. I'm pretending with this story and using it to my advantage with the meta themes I have going. Vanity, appearances, popularity, consumerism... In the context of this book, it's all a sham meant to hide what really matters, and yet not enough people care about what matters, so it's deemed unfit for the market. I'm ripping all of that apart in ways that I expect to fly over most peoples' heads. It sounds cynical. It's not. Just a bit of hard-edged fun.

My method for writing this book is weird, though. I wrote the first chapter and I expect to change it a lot as time goes on. I skipped over the second and third chapters and went straight into the flashbacks of both characters from when they were teenagers and how they met in high school. As a solution to my issue from my last post, I'm staying on this course, but the story will more than likely have more chapters from the more outgoing character's point of view. I'm taking a risk by frontloading the other character's back story so early on, starting at chapter four. It's absolutely needed. I want the readers to experience the dramatic irony of knowing who she is and what she's done while remaining a mystery to almost everyone else.

I'm dealing with some unwanted side effects while writing this book. I keep having dreams about two specific people I haven't spoken to in several years all because they symbolize who and what I'm writing about here. One person, I used to be in love with, so of course she symbolizes the type of attachment I have my characters experience. The other person, I wasn't in love with, and yet I keep having these dreams where I want her. It makes no sense whatsoever from a personal standpoint. Because of the book, it makes perfect sense, as I based a different character off of her.

It does wonders for giving me material to work with, but I'm always so confused when I wake up. The dreams are romantic with an implicit feeling that things will be sexual, though I wake up before anything happens. It's weird because I never felt anything for her beyond friendship. I do remember wondering why that was my limit when I thought she was attractive. That was the beginning of my realization that I only feel in the extremes: I either want someone a lot or not at all. These days, I'm focused on my characters and their relationships with one another. My own dreams and memories are more like research items instead of things that I miss and need for myself in my waking life.

On an unrelated note, I'm annoyed that Shin Megami Tensei V will be a Nintendo Switch exclusive. I'm not surprised, but still, I don't want to buy a new system just for one game like I did with the Wii U and Bayonetta 2. I might skip SMTV for the time strange as that sounds. I have plenty of Playstation games I want to get platinum for in between writing, like the Yakuza games and Kingdom Hearts series. I imported the samurai Yakuza games, Kenzan and Ishin, in Japanese. I'm hoping SEGA gets the hint and localizes these games sooner rather than later.

For now, I'm going back to writing in between working on platinum for Yakuza Kiwami. This one isn't remotely as stressful as Yakuza 0 was. At the moment, I'm getting through ranked matches in mahjong for the weapons/gear rewards. It took a bit of investment to learn the rules of this game, but I enjoy it a lot now. I'd rather grind mahjong instead of spamming the coliseum for the rewards there. I only have a few more tasks to get through for the 100% completion list, then the Climax Battles, and then I'll finish the game on the hardest difficulty to wrap up.

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