The thing about this other lead is that she's more interesting from a distance. When you can't get a read on her; when you don't know what she's thinking or what her motivations are, it's intriguing that way. I want to keep that distance. It's what makes her so sexy and attractive, and it also plays into the meta narrative I have going for the story at large. And yet I had a few high points for the story planned out from her point of view. These won't work at all unless she narrates her experience. I'll have to compromise somehow because the rest of the plot depends a lot on the reader witnessing these certain scenes from her eyes. In fact, a LOT of the drama in the first three chapters revolves around scenes that this character experiences on her own. I have to throw that out the window now.
It doesn't help that it's difficult for me to write "new" stories. It's hard to explain. I know where my heart is and what my priorities are. Trying to write a new story beyond that, there's always a malicious feeling about it. Like I have to hold myself back. I know how I feel. It's more that I don't want to put it into words.
Up until now, everything had been going relatively well. I'm really happy with the opening chapter. I like the contents of the other lead's backstory, even though the whole point of the flashbacks is to show her from when she wasn't as developed as a person until the point when everything changed. I had planned on frontloading these flashbacks near the start of the story for the reader to know this information before any of the other main characters found out about her past. It's disappointing to know that she's not nearly as compelling through her own eyes as opposed to someone else looking at her. The whole point of her character is that she has an edge about her, and she actively resists anyone or anything calling her to action (even me as the author), but when she does act, it's significant. Because of that, I don't think she should be the second pair of eyes for the storytelling.
Plus, if I balanced out both characters' lives and stories through dedicated chapters with their POVs, I already know this story would end up way too long. At least 150,000 words. This technically isn't a sequel to anything. It's a continuation of a world and history with new characters as the focus. I want this book to stand on its own. It shouldn't be much longer than 100k words, if that.
I can't remember a story changing on me this much, this quickly out of all the ones I've written. The "spirit" of this one feels petulant and dramatic, like it wants to do its own thing and I'm supposed to follow it around and write down what I see. I'm not the director. I'm not in control. The more I try to control it, the less I'm able to see--a fog appears, obscuring my vision and I don't know what to write anymore. Maybe that's why everything feels so strange, different. It's not a bad thing. I have to adapt and adjust.