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I write for the ones without a voice.

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actually...I'm nowhere near finished with Black Waltz.
No. I just realized last night that I don't like how I wrote this book so far. I started it back in August, left it alone in October, tried to write fragments of it until February, all the while leaving ideas behind in the process. Reading it over now, I see that it's not consistent. An outsider might not be able to tell. But it bothers me way too much. So I have to tear almost everything down and go with what feels right instead of trying to make all of these changing ideas fit together.

I can see exactly where I fell out of love with a certain character. It's a chore to write from this character's point of view or even to have the rest of the cast tolerate their existence. I have to deal with this. Plus, there was some controversy I thought about courting for a while now. I'm not afraid of controversy, but I'd just rather not have it in. Thematically, it wouldn't work. I couldn't make up my mind about it for the longest. I finally have a definite answer not to include it.

As thankful as I am for this revelation, I'm frustrated. Exasperated. I was so close to the last chapter and then--not.

140k words. Major edits, major changes needed. I need to remake my music playlist for this book.


I need to think over these changes first before I go through with them. Everything's all over the place right now because of how angry I am. This feels last-minute. Necessary, but last-minute. I hate it. I'm grateful for it. I know it needs to be done but it's emotionally draining, having to do this again. It took me the same amount of time to write Venus and Lysander, and that book was half as long as this one is so far. Whatever.

I'll figure it out.

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