Vespair

Anarchy.

I write for the ones without a voice.

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edge of reason.
Mitsuru
yoshiyuki_ly
Nearly done with this book.

I don't want to let it go.

This song plays during the final battle in Persona 3. Not the final, final battle. The all-out one. I hadn't played P3 in a long time before I picked it back up the other day. I stumbled on this song on YouTube before I got to the last boss. It didn't have much of an impact on me. Something told me to replay the game first and experience it then. I absolutely HATE Tartarus, the fatigue system, not having control over the other party members in the PS2 version, no option to skip days, having to max Academics before starting Mitsuru's Social Link, not being able to max any of the other girls' Social Links without ~dating them and not really pissing off Mitsuru, Junpei and his tired storyline, Strega, show, don't tell not applying when it needs to with the cult news or The Lost (random zombie-like people sitting around in Paulownia Mall...? okay...), and so many other things...

A few songs in the OST and Mitsuru's character make everything else seem like mere annoyances. I like the theme of the game as well: persevering through despair.

After beating the game over the weekend in between writing, the song clicked. I changed my ideas for the end of chapter 10, and for the final chapter after that one. Just because of this song. Just because of how I felt during the long ass battle against the boss. Seriously, whose idea was it for that battle to be so long?

So, now, I have to let the ideas sit, and fement, and come to life.
That's what I'd usually say.
Not this time.

They're already alive. More alive than I was for part of this year.

It's almost 5am. I have to go for it. I can't stop. I can't turn back. I can't let my fears stop me. I can be afraid of letting this book go. Yeah, that's fine... it's okay. I have to put this momentum at the tail-end of the penultimate chapter. Move it forward through the last chapter. What's left over will go to Ruska, the next book in the "series." Right now, I feel too much. I can't let it go to waste. Writing with this fear is new for me. Doing this is what will push the prose to new heights.

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