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Vespair

Anarchy.

I write for the ones without a voice.

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physiological effects.
Yennefer
yoshiyuki_ly
Listening to this gives me that strange sensation of my sinuses clearing up. Every time my muse shines through, it's a physiological reaction.

Sinuses "clearing" : an overdue, passionate epiphany. Scenes play out seamlessly on an endless film reel.
Heartache : stop, sit and grieve over my inadequacy as a writer.
Teary eyes : washing out my reality, giving way to the clearer pictures in my mind.
Eyes moving non-stop : following those events with precision, not missing a single silhouette or shadow.
Temporary deafness : fuller picture with the sounds, voices and all, without the obstructions of everything around me.
Chills : feeling the exact emotions I must convey. if I look close enough, the words spell themselves out over my skin.
Heart pounding and throbbing : scenes transposing over my heart, stitching to my veins. This is how I never forget my plans.

Playing The Witcher 3 also helps. Yennefer is absolutely sublime. I don't care if people call her a prideful bitch. I have so much respect for her. She simply is. She never makes excuses for herself. She never backs down. If she needs to get something done, she will do it. The phrase "take me as I am or not at all" fits her too well. I don't mind that she orders my character around all the time with very few explanations as to what Geralt is really doing. It's worth it when I see she's relieved or pleased, and during the rare occasions when she shows her appreciation to Geralt for helping her. I was biased toward her from the start because she fits my preferred fictional character archetype (Morrigan from Dragon Age, Lulu from Final Fantasy X, Fran from Final Fantasy XII, Fleur from Harry Potter, Miranda and hardened!Liara from Mass Effect).

Triss is okay...I think it's mostly her voice actress that bothers me. The American accent doesn't quite fit in with everyone else. Accent issues aside, I'd pick Yen over her any day. Yennefer has such a commanding presence that I can't help but follow after her. That confidence is infectious. And her boots. The rest is too complicated to go into here.

Overall it's a good game. I'm not sure how I feel about the story quests. They're so drawn-out and perfunctory...yes, I know that sounds contradictory. The story arcs themselves are drawn-out, with most individual quests feeling too rushed. I think I've nearly beaten the game at any rate. I've just been running around finishing side quests for other friendly NPCs. Those are quite good.

--

The chaos must persist in some form. I can't be with it; I can't be without it. Finding and keeping my balance has gotten easier over the years, despite the exponential increase in difficulty lately. If we get along, then there will always be that fear beneath the surface. If I let you break me, my pride won't let me rest. The first time this happened, three and a half years ago, I wasn't only upset because you wouldn't come back. All of this conflict played itself out for me like a prophecy in an Oracle Drive. I was nowhere near ready to accept any of this back then. I can't tear this in two. Love is intangible. I don't have the power to shape it with the coldness of my logic. I've accepted it. I know why it's here; why you're here. I partly feel like I've brought it upon myself. It's inspired the central conflict of Narcissus Narcosis. It's what gave me my biggest NN epiphany when I first got to Teraflare in T13; why I was so emotional as I progressed through the last phase, healing with those emotions. The lyrics to Answers spell out what I go through with you, with this, every day. In a strange, sick way, it's a beautiful thing that I can only dream of writing well.

That doesn't mean I tolerate you as you are now. I know that I'm a harsh judge. If you must come back to me on your hands and knees, I'd prefer if you broke your fingers first.

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