Anarchy.

The Scorpion's Empress
Erotic romance plus a bit of fantasy. Also under Solstice Publishing. It's available now. Book summary:

After years of serving a corrupt government, Ser Videl, an idealistic paladin, learns that her younger sister is tangled in a dark scheme against Raj Mangala, the compassionate yet troubled Empress of the city's oppressed lowtown; the two women meet and are deeply drawn to one another, finding a shared sanctuary in their violently-divided city. The Scorpion's Empress is intimately written through the eyes of both twenty-seven year old women.

Videl's loving devotion is just what Raj craves, but Raj is wary of letting her guard down while protecting her throne. Determined to prove her worth, Videl chases after Raj and works to unravel the mystery of the plots against the Empress. Raj wants Videl to serve her emotional and sexual needs, and the two explore a meaningful relationship of dominance and submission that delves fully into their deepest wants. When the conspiracy against Raj comes to a head, Videl's loyalties are tested when she is forced to choose between her past and her Empress.



buy here on Amazon
Goodreads // Solstice Publishing

Winner in the 29th Annual Lambda Literary Awards - Lesbian romance
Finalist in the 2016 Independent Author Network Awards - LGBT
Winner in the 2016 New England Book Awards - LGBT
Honorable Mention in the 2016 Rainbow Awards - Lesbian erotic romance
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Online Stories
Find most of my romance works here. The joy of sharing.

In-Depth Story Notes
Find my personal commentary and additional notes for certain stories here.

Book publishing dates/progress

1. The Scorpion's Empress (erotic romance with some D/s) - June 1, 2016
2. Venus and Lysander (historical-fantasy-romance) - January 31, 2017
3. Black Waltz (urban fantasy romance with some BDSM) - September 25, 2018
4. Anathema (historical-fantasy-romance with some D/s) - May 1, 2019
5. Chauvinistic Coquette (contemporary romance with some fantasy) - editing final draft - publishing date: TBD
6. Anathema II: The Scorpion's Empress (erotic romance, dark fantasy, BDSM) - next WIP - publishing date: TBD

These are all set in different eras of my fictional Anathema universe: the world, Tellus, with Nyx Vevina as God of the Anathema religion; she is the morally ambiguous shadow to her more spirited twin sister, Venus, who is revered as the standard of beauty, femininty and acceptance. My main characters all challenge the status quo in these societies in ways that are relevant to the real world.

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All I want for this year is World Peace.

I'm hoping it won't take me long to get there. Maybe a few months. It'll be a real culmination. A real reckoning. And then the rest will follow.

Just have to get this done.

I don't understand why I keep doing this.

I keep taking the most difficult road. The most stressful path. All for a ridiculous payoff in the end.

It's always worth it. But this leaves me wondering why. Why it has to be this way. It happens with me every time. Every single time.

The next chapter of Requiem of the Goddess is nearly done. I stopped my earlier practice of finishing a chapter before posting the previous one. I don't know, this feels more spontaneous. Less rigid. More free. I already know how the whole story is going to go. It's not like I'm running off and writing random, unplanned chapters. But I finally went through and planned on a micro level, mapping out the rest of these Mass Effect 2 events, chapter-by-chapter. It's a little strange to see everything in one place like this.

In the meantime, I've had to start working on another story in between other freelance writing projects I have going on for work. Just to avoid getting burned out on Requiem, or getting stuck in a maddening loop with it. I have no idea when I'm going to post it. Whenever that happens, I'll have already written several chapters, just like with my current story. I need to be sure. Having this other outlet helps me to take a break from Requiem of the Goddess every now and then. But once again, it's an ambitious tale.

These things are never simple, never easy with me.

I almost wish I were burnt out and tired after writing non-stop for a year straight. But it looks like this cycle will continue for quite some time.

i see my reasons why. I wish I understood them. I wish I knew why I keep doing this. Seems like there's no escape, no way out. It's fine and it's fun and it's freeing to write so well and so efficiently. There are certain consequences from this work ethic of mine. I just realized that I can't remember some peoples' faces anymore. People who used to mean so much. I try to recall what they looked like, and I only draw a blank. It's not because I'm older now or I don't care to remember these things anymore. My resources keep getting rerouted to these projects, to these arduous paths. It's concerning, but I don't have a choice. I really don't.

This is what I do. This is who I am.

You're here to consume this about me, so consume away.

I've been playing this game for seven years since 2013. I'm thirty years old. This is the first time the Christmas music in the starter cities doesn't make me feel depressed, or even remotely sad. I can finally just appreciate it for what it is. Even gave me some ideas for Requiem of the Goddess once I reach that time of the year in the story. I'd always had some ideas to get around to. But I have a clearer picture now. There's something about the chill atmosphere in Limsa Lominsa with the snow falling, with other people standing around afk, listening to the music like I am. Even though we're right next to the sea, and it's not supposed to snow here. Whatever. It's the thought that counts.

I used to get depressed at this time of the year. It's not that I've forgotten why or how. I remember exactly why. I've reached a point where those things have no power over me anymore. It took me a long time to realize this. It's okay, though. There's another aspect to it as well. Not just the emotional part.

My writing is my identity. I don't really have a personality of my own beyond the principles and ideas I stand for and believe in. Yeah, I'm very stern and severe, but that's just out of habit, not as a preference. I'm like this because of various reasons I don't want to get into. The point is, my skill as a writer determines my security with myself as a person, as a human being. With Requiem of the Goddess, I finally feel like I've "arrived." My skill level as a writer is where I want it to be. It's what I've spent my whole life chasing after, ever since I was half the age I am now.

I'm looking forward to what else I'll learn next year, and so on.

Ugh, sorry. Kind of late. Then again, I've written almost a million words this year. Maybe I can cut myself some slack. I'm too hard on myself, I know.

I got delayed due to the latest patch releasing for Final Fantasy XIV. I've been farming Emerald Weapon Extreme non-stop because...I actually like the fight. The song in phase two is a banger. I see Soken took some tips from Shin Megami Tensei's soundtracks. The Black Wolf Stalks Again sounds like it's straight out of Digital Devil Saga 2. I love it. I thought I'd be sick of it by now, but no. The only complaint I have so far is on the people-end. No one ever seems to want to main tank this fight, so I end up having to do it every time. Not a big deal, though. I enjoy doing everything perfectly and having the others rely on me as a guide for mechanics. It's satisfying.

I'm also upset about something else. The news of what happened to FKA twigs just about broke me when I found out. I really respect her a lot. Her latest album from last year is among my favorites of all time. So you can imagine the type of reaction I had. Reserved, as I always am. But still feeling.

I'll try to have the next chapter up within the next few days. I'm sure when you read it, you'll see the other reasons for this delay.

It's always the same.

More importantly, I've been "working on" Requiem of the Goddess for almost a year now. I didn't sit down and start writing it until January of this year. But the plot started stewing at this time in 2019. Around October 2019, I had a strange feeling, telling me to pick up Mass Effect again for the first time in nearly five years. Now this story has taken over my life. It's made me put other plans on hold. Indefinitely. Completely limitless, this is the most ambitious project I've ever worked on. I'm not holding anything back. Aside from pacing myself accordingly. I'm somehow still not tired. Not losing my mind anymore now that I've reached this point. Things are different. Mostly in a good way. Different to the point where I shouldn't discuss the details.

What surprises me the most isn't how long I've been working on this. It's how consistent I am with my plans. In the very beginning, I changed a lot of ideas around. By the time I started posting the story online, everything was set in stone. I haven't deviated from anything major since that initial start. Everything in the plot plays out in service to the main pairing. That's how I want it to be. Going forward, it looks like my plans through to the final chapter will remain the same. All I'm doing is coloring in the details along the way.

What was the inspiration for this story? Well, aside from rewriting the original Requiem of the Goddess (and only using maybe five things total from that version), it's a personal process. I spent a long time living through multiple crises with multiple people. I was the common thread, searching and searching for something. Putting up with these crises to find what I was looking for. As soon as I found it, the catastrophe ended. I found my peace. And I used to spend a long time wondering if it was all worth it. Considering how things are for me today, I think the answer is yes. It was worth it.

You are reading that process. The catastrophes, the searching. The catastrophe's end. Peace. Meaning. Moving forward.

Requiem of the Goddess is about the death of an idea. That meaning is broad enough to apply to just about anything. On purpose. For me, one particular idea had enslaved me. The idea that I had to accept my life as it was. When I stopped accepting that idea, everything changed. Even still, I accept that I am the main antagonist of the story as the author. You never quite know when to trust me; just as I never quite knew when to trust my own life, how things went, and the world itself, with those outside forces as the authors of my fate. But the world is only a reflection of our point of view. It has no ideologies: good or bad. You can make it the villain if you need to. I serve the same purpose as the faceless arbiter of this story.

I always know what you're thinking as you read. I keep writing the way I want to anyway, knowing how you'll react. I am responsible for your thoughts, your emotions. I continue on anyway, aware of my precarious position. I'm not interested in keeping your favor or safety or approval. I'm only here to write. It is self-serving. So maybe that does make me the villain after all.

Not at all surprised about what's happened. I knew going into this that it would be close, and the outcome would take seemingly forever. So I was prepared ahead of time for everything. The flurry of impatience from people online felt a lot like watching a collective fever dream. But nothing swayed me from my confidence that this would happen.

The rumored Mass Effect Trilogy remaster finally had an official announcement, too. I'd like more information about it.

Pretty good day overall.

There's so much going on. I don't like this picture I see of humanity these days. I always knew that it was there, but it's still disturbing. I feel like I'm stuck in the middle of serious tribalism. I have my own principles and beliefs. But I'm not succumbing to some of the depravity I've seen going on.

Beyond that, I'm not buying a PlayStation 5. Maybe I will down the line if some of the games actually interest me. Didn't bother pre-ordering it. I'll stick to playing the Shin Megami Tensei Nocturne remaster and the NieR: Replicant release on PS4 next year. I have no interest in any other new games. It's funny, since I have technically already played Nocturne and NieR. I only have faith in these two re-releases. I don't care about anything else. I'm living the mostly-AFK life in Final Fantasy XIV, doing a few things here and there in between writing while alt-tabbed. Not really focused on battle content. When I do, I stick to my tank main, dark knight. I don't think I will ever go back to healing. I'm tired of compensating for other people's mistakes. I have some efficient ways of making a lot of in-game money. I just focus on that when I need to take a break from writing for a little while.

Chapter forty of Requiem of the Goddess should be up within the coming days. It's done. I just have a habit of not posting a chapter until the one directly after it is finished. This helps me go back and edit for continuity. So when chapter forty-one is finished, I will edit and then post chapter forty. I'm not sure if it will be obvious why these chapters have taken me a bit longer. If you look closely, you might be able to tell. But, beyond the substance of these chapters, I also took some time to plan in more detail. On a macro level, I've already planned out the whole story. On a micro level, I made more concrete plans up to and including chapter sixty, mostly to nail down the order of events. We have a long, long way to go. The word count is irrelevant.

I don't have other plans aside from what I have going on with freelance writing for work. The vice-presidential debate tomorrow night should be...interesting. And my state starts early voting later on this month. I decided to wear my N7 mask and go do that instead.

Back to writing my story.

Never mind. I'm bored of this game.

I'd grown bored of it a while ago. Technically the game is fine. After some time, I realized I wasn't invested in the characters/story at all. I couldn't get through act one before putting it down. By the time I noticed I hadn't turned my PS4 on in a while -- again -- that was when reality had set in for me.

I want to buy a PlayStation 5 for the novelty of it all. But I have no idea which games I even want to play on it. Aside from backward compatibility adventures, I really don't know. Realistically, it will only play PS4 games. If it can play PS1-PS3 games as well, then it's an instant buy, but I know that this is wishful thinking. I would like to finally be able to put away my old systems and just use this one. Still no news on the actual price, either. This thing is supposed to come out during the holiday season this year. How much is it supposed to be?

Then again, gaming is more or less on hold for me these days. Whether I end up buying a PS5 or not, it isn't that big of a deal to me. I have been writing and writing and writing Requiem of the Goddess for nine months straight. Started conceptualizing the story in December, and I started writing officially on January 4. It's almost September. I'm shocked that I'm still going. I feel like I'm losing my mind, but this is simultaneously a normal feeling.

Living on the edge like this is not pleasant. I don't recommend it. Why am I doing it? I'm driven and I have a goal to finish this story. Easy enough.